These kinds of things just come with the territory if youre trying to live a meaningful life. I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. 125. I love the moment when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today., 12. They planet. The rhythm of the weekend, with its birth, its planned gaieties, and its announced end, followed the rhythm of life and was a substitute for it. Make the statements about yourself and for yourself. I am wise enough to make the same mistake again!, 8. It has nothing new to tell you. I love my computer because all my friends live inside it. I wish my wallet came with free refills. 43. A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist. You can't wait for inspiration. A gummy bear. I am already great, and I am yet to reach my full potential. , we dont need our internal dialogue to pile on too. 3. 133. Sincerely, yourself., 2. 37. When shit hits the fan at work, I turn it into fertilizer., 10. Never ask a starfish for directions. Theres life without Facebook and internet? 176. My liver still works. Art doesnt transform. Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. I can believe in myself for 5 minutes. 170. Sharing quotes, proverbs, and sayings of great authors to touch people's lives to make it better. I feed my spirit. If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side. The thing is, I am still getting ready. A mind is like a parachute. Really? 60. I love my job only when Im on vacation. All you need is love. 249. Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal. Pat Sajak, 41. I didnt give you the finger, you earned it. Revenge sounds so mean, thats why I prefer to call it Returning the favor.. On Mercury, a day lasts 1,408 hours. It has many of the same goals as affirmations, as theyre both associated with positivity and happiness. So with that being said, heres a list of funny affirmations to motivate you to come out of your comedic shell. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. 126. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? I enjoy every minute of it. Happiness is a choice. "When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.". Below youll find a collection of funny affirmations for work that will help you stay motivated and fight the work stress more efficiently. Monday I shall slay thee with me mighty cup of coffee. I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. Really? Using affirmations can significantly impact your outlook on life, but saying such serious statements to yourself can often make you feel silly. 80 Soren Kierkegaard Quotes On Love, Life And Philosophy, Top 90 Martin Luther King Jr. 148. 115. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. 100 Funny Christmas Quotes. It doesnt work if it is not open. 5. 16. People who talk behind my back are getting a great view. 272. IRS: Weve got what it takes to take what you have got. 10. Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks. It may feel useless but just get into it. 8. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people. The world is my buffet, and my plate is ready to go. 1. Focus on the positives and be grateful. 106. Im old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. 141. A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. 226. Then perhaps youd find value in these articles on how to write affirmations and the benefits of affirmations. Sincerely, the floor. 155. Henny Youngman Robert A. Heinlein 58. 244. I am capable of eating a family-sized bag of chips. 274. I'm Sergios Rotar, a 21 years old personal development enthusiast. 69. Im lovely because everyone likes me more than Monday morning!, 7. 194. I know the best time to make fun. 175. 164. 28. Send me the link. Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when Im with you. Because if you can put a smile on your face with a little humor, I guarantee that youll feel some weight come off your shoulders.f. Dont forget that you get 24 hours, even on your worst day. 89. 18 Funny Positive Affirmations. 173. You definitely dont want to kill the vibe by throwing a bad joke out there! I love the moment when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today. Dave Barry Relax, its the weekend, just dont blink or it will be all over. Hmmm, this text message is a little too harsh, Ill add LOL at the end. 242. Franklin Jones Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people dont think Im dead. No matter what a mess I am, my kids adore me. - Donald Trump. I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge. 227. I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people., 5. May your coffee be strong and your Monday productive. We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. Charles M. Schulz Short people with an umbrella. Seeing a spider in my room isnt scary. 187. You can only be young once. 196. 5. You never know what you have, until you clean your closet. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment. 156. Choose words that make you feel confident about yourself. Quotes that make no sense Photo: pexels.com (modified by author) Source: UGC. Because they make up everything. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. Czech proverb To anybody I hurt this year, I just wanna say you deserve it. 274. 51. When you feel terrified (without your safety being in danger): 5. Dont forget to drink water and get some sun. Friends buy you food. Allow your body to absorb the positivity of your words by repeating them to yourself. health is important. Cindy from Marzahn 125. 7. 113. Which affirmation put a smile on your face? 5. My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. Or maybe, you just love cracking jokes and making people laugh. 56. "Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. Exercise? 9. Look, youre smiling! Henny Youngman, 246. 272. I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. Let me gather my thoughts and crush this Monday., 15. 8. Its called tomorrow. You might undoubtedly relate with them, and yet you will not feel laid back because of your weaknesses. 219. 249. I don't entertain negativity in any shape or form. 1. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. Plus, youre never gonna become funny and charismatic by being afraid to speak your mind. Well, I guess I have to be odd to be number one. Gary Delaney, 248. 266. 87. 78. But you're not as old as you're going to be.". Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks., 3. Best friends eat your food. 60. If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito. Betty Reese, 9. If Im not there, I go to work. Robert Orben, 4. I dont think thats a coincidence., 3. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. 19. I didnt fall, Im just spending some quality time with the floor. 12. I am lazy till I get a motive. 3. 154 Short, Positive Affirmations that are Easy to Remember. I keep moving forward even if my pants come off. Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if you're one of them (I bet you are), you're going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm.I'm sure you've heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily.They are a powerful to. The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go. Chop your own wood. What do you call a bear with no teeth? No No NOYes. Why cant you play cards on a small boat? Enjoy! 105. Decomposing. Whats the best thing about Switzerland? I may not know karate, but I know crazy and Im not afraid to use it. Life does a pretty good job of keeping us stressed and worried, we dont need our internal dialogue to pile on too. Your email address will not be published. 273. Every day is a gift, thats why they call it the present. I heard a great joke about amnesia but I forgot it. If you feel like todays not your day and the best thing would be to stay in bed, Ive got something that will cheer you up. I dont go crazy, I am crazy. Stay focused and consistent, and youll start noticing the healing powers of humor and fun. Im not running away from hard work, Im too lazy to run. 6. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. 92. I overcome fears by following my dreams. Quotes To Inspire You (MLK), 80 Life Gets Better Quotes To Brighten Your Day (Hope), 50 Bad Luck Quotes When You Feel Ill-Fated. 24. My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. 95. Who says nothing is impossible? Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control. Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? You definitely dont want to kill the vibe by throwing a bad joke out there! People only rain on my parade because they are jealous of my sun and tired of their shade., 14. If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot. Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place, the fridge. I intend to live forever. Its scary when it disappears. 199. "I am becoming humorous day by day.". Superwoman: single. Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. Similar to how it's important to minimize distractions in the workplace, you need a few minutes of peace to focus and mindfully say your affirmations. Bill Murray, 251. Please do your own research before making any online purchase. "What doesn't kill you makes your drinks stronger.". I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning. 31. 37. Feel free to share with friends and family on Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram, WhatsApp, Twitter and more to motivate them every morning. Heres a list of funny affirmations that will improve your mood instantly. God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. I attract the right people and repel the wrong ones. 45 Self-Compassion Affirmations to Practice when Feeling Low. Finding humor in a difficult situation helps me win. My jokes do. If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. People only rain on my parade because they are jealous of my sun and tired of their shade. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. Why did the school kids eat their homework? 57. 219. No beauty shines brighter than that of a good heart., 4. I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen. What is the tallest building in the entire world? If you were able to believe in Santa Claus for 8 -9 years, you can believe in yourself for at least 5 minutes. 185. Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. For the best seat in the house, youll have to move the dog. I'm doing great. 42. 184. I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. I eat cake because its someones birthday somewhere today. However, just saying these statements out loud wont cut it. Edward A. Murphy When you leave work on Friday, leave work. 39. Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. Good morning! I make people laugh, whether its with me or at me., 8. 1. 205. 34. Marriage is like a walk in the park, Jurassic Park. 278. I deserve sugar, spice, and all things nice. Benjamin Franklin. Why did the school kids eat their homework? 96. I have Alzheimers bulimia, first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke. 132. I get up, dress up, and show up. 3. If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front. 239. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. 2. All rights reserved. But it'll move up again.". 259. Be careful when you follow the masses. 102. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Because it was soda pressing. 140. Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please., 4. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. Your brain will only ever optimally respond to positive present tense affirmations such as " I am calm .". Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. Trust me, your secrets are safe with me and all of my friends. Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize. In life, sometimes you just need to break the tension with a little humor. 5. They say dont try this at home so Im coming over to your house to try it. Im still gonna do dumb stuff, only slower., See also: 90 Inspiring & Funny Quotes About Ageing Gracefully, 8. You may have people laugh at you instead of with you. "My funny vibes attract my happy tribe.". Sincerely, yourself. 22. 70. They log in. Bill Gates. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I cant see. 1. You can also share them with your co-workers to put a smile on their faces. 153. You know you are lazy when you get excited about canceling your plans. With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. 120. Revenge sounds so mean, thats why I prefer to call it Returning the favor. 211. I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor., 4. If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? I could agree with you, but then wed both be wrong. Run. Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. So life is not always "All The Way Up", I guess. When and How to Let Them Know, How To Cheer Yourself Up When Feeling Down, 5 Things To Discuss With Your Partner Before Marriage, Funny Positive Affirmations For Self-Esteem, 50+ Powerful Positive Affirmations For Exams, 70+ Positive Affirmations For Teens From Parents. 195. Jonathan lockwood huie. 3. Amidst all the stress, anxiety and worries, a smile can help you brighten your day. No one is immune to self-sabotage, heartbreak, loss, and failure. So with that being said, heres a list of funny affirmations. Not a peli-cant. Every day I become calmer and do more good for the world. 271. 267. I have committed to being my most outstanding self. No matter how bad it gets Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. 43. Every day is a gift, thats why they call it the present. Never take life seriously. I nourish my body every day. Friday Affirmations. When they go away, its a brighter day. It equates "weight loss" with thoughts like: I can. I am at peace with my body and accept it as it is. My funny vibes attract my funny tribe., 3. What is Mozart doing right now? Watch popular content from the following creators: Maaryfairyy(@maaryfairyy), Jasmines Garden(@jasminesgarden23), Dazley(@dazzlemeup), JaySean(@jaysean), Nathalie Munoz(@nathaliemunozx3) . I am naturally cool, calm, and collected. Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal. Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? happy. 19. 13. 206. 3. I havent talked to my wife in three weeks. Self-worth has nothing to do with clothing size. The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. 66. I have seen better days, but Ive also seen worse. 102. 77. Please excuse me while I go check the plumbing. Every one of my colleagues brings happiness into the office. 90. You can simply try out one of our funny options, or think of affirmations that best match your sense of humor. Robert A. Heinlein, 243. Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because they make up everything. How Do People Share The News About Their Engagements? HAM AND EGGS A days work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig. If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot. Life is becoming easier and less serious. I am stepping out of my comfort zone, no matter how small the step. I am finding fun and joy in everything I do and everywhere I go. The rest are too expensive. Without further ado, lets look at 20 funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. Being funny seems to be taking less effort. Here is a list for you that has all the funny affirmations: I am making myself laugh every time I say any sarcastic word. I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. Start as soon as you wake up in the morning. 163. You can write them on sticky notes to set on your mirror, on the notes app in your phone for on-the-go encouragement, or you can simply memorize your favorites and recite . The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. They allow you to focus on the positive and what is working in your life rather than dwelling on the negative. I dont think thats a coincidence. Today I will embrace the poop. I am here not to compete because I know I am neither the fastest nor the smartest. Always remember youre unique, just like everyone else. Say "Thank you" - A Motivational Video On The Importance Of GratitudeIntro Speech by Denzel Washington (Commencement Speech)Main speech by Fearless Soul "Tha. You may feel a little embarrassed and vulnerable. 158. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. 51. You can make friends and have good relationships if you believe in your sense of humor and fill your mind with funny and positive thoughts. 85. If youre looking for a way to brighten your day and amp up your attitude, youve come to the right place. I wasnt mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if Im mad.. yes, Im mad! When affirmations make you feel good about yourself, they are most effective. Charles M. Schulz. 158. If you cant laugh at your own problems, call me and Ill laugh at them. Not saying I hate you, but if your face was on fire and I had a glass of water, Id drink it. So, watch your words, restructure your thoughts, and stay positive if you want to see a change in your life. 26. 275. I am confused between what I like the most hanging out or posting that I hung out. If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut., 6. 7. With time, I have started to value more time. 'Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.'. I am enough. Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. Once youve chosen one of our affirmations or devised your own, its time to put it into practice. When our phones fall, we panic; but when our friends fall, we laugh. Excuse me, I need to go be awesome today. My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. I'm having a staff meeting.". 268. Of course, I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice. Leave me a if you agree! 8. Its time to be much more intentional about the words that we tell ourselves and take a step back from all of lifes noise. 40. Discover short videos related to funny affirmations on TikTok. 23. Walter Bagehot I am joyful for achieving the ones I did. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. Alright, get in the basket. 266. I have a new hairstyle today, its called I tried., 136. There are endless opportunities. Bill Murray Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when Im with you. Nobody gets out alive anyway. Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car. 211. I dont suffer from insanity. 124. Im amusing and make the people around me happy. What doesnt kill you makes your drinks stronger., 10. Dear universe, I am totally open to all the amazing things coming my way. We all need a little energy boost here and there. Affirmations are an opportunity to be honest with ourselves and recognize that we have a treasure trove of power and creativity within us. 30. Youre talking to yourself. We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. 67. Remember, no one can make you feel anything other than what YOU allow yourself. Funny Wednesday Work Quotes. 193. He who laughs last didnt get it. 40 Apology Paragraph For Her To Say Im Sorry, 80 Cute Relationship Quotes For Sweet Couples In Love, 50 Doubt In Relationship Quotes To Rebuild Trust, 75 Sad Broken Relationship Quotes To Fix Your Heartbreak, 70 Relationship Honesty Quotes On Love, Trust & Loyalty, 80 Relationship Sorry Quotes To Apologize To Your Love, 65 Disney Quotes About Family That Will Warm Your Heart, 90 Best Shrek Quotes From The Funny Ogre Movie, 80 Blended Family Quotes To Share With Your Loved Ones, 90 Female Fitness Quotes For Women Who Workout. Sam Levenson What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. "It's only WednesdayHang in there!". You cant have everything, where would you put it? Read the first word again. No, but April may. 230. I have a lot to offer. Sometimes the M is silent. Things are getting better all the time. 39. 275. What do I do for a living? Treat me like a joke and Ill leave you like its funny. Jun 19, 2018 - Explore Jamie Hadland's board "funny/sarcastic affirmations" on Pinterest. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. Then, think about how easy it would be to say a simple statement to yourself throughout the day. Alison Boulter 233. 207. 21. My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again. 135. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? "Start each day with a positive thought and a grateful heart.". You were too lazy to read that number. Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize. I am adventurous. I am tough and resilient. Laughter also has a social aspect, as its the perfect way to bond with people. Cry a river. "Today will be a great day". 6. If we shouldnt eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? Art doesnt transform. 141. Remember that the effects of affirmations are no laughing matter, so make sure your voice is heard. 2. I eat cake because its someones birthday somewhere today. I train my body. Every day, read them aloud for the best results. 21. It will warm you twice unknown. Why did the can crusher quit his job? Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. 4. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. 65. Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them. 82. Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesnt contain any calories. Affirmations are a great way to change your mindset. 87. Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. We have a connection. This is a snap. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Roy Lichtenstein May your yoga pants be stretchy, your coffee be strong and your Wednesday be short., See also: 120 Inspiring Wednesday Morning Blessings To Motivate You. Im not weird, Im just limited edition. Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. 169. Its okay if people dont like me. Use them as a tool to boost your self-esteem and productivity, as well as to overcome procrastination and complete all assigned tasks. Today, I choose to put on my positive pants. 99. My mistakes dont define me. 2. 273. I am passing all the things and hardships with a smile. Here are the 200 best sarcastic quotes, from funny comments, sayings, and phrases dripping with snarky sarcasm. 214. My body belongs to me and I can set boundaries around it. But even if this does happen, who cares? Stop playing with me., 6. Ann Landers Never test how deep the water is with both feet. Its okay if people dont like me. We get so worried about being pretty lets be pretty kind, pretty funny, pretty smart, pretty strong., 9. Just as importantly, you can benefit from laughter in everyday situations. Let us know which of these motivational affirmations inspired you the most. 117. 132. Never judge a book by its movie. 84. Read the first word again. I breathe in and out. 98. We all have those days when we feel like the world is coming to an end. - George Burns. Im not arguing, Im just telling you why youre wrong. Unknown. I try to see the funny side of every situation. 97. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. Positive Daily Affirmations for Women. And their purpose certainly isn't to minimize hard feelings. 73. Every day I am devoted to my passions and dreams. This is a good thing because affirmations are supposed to be associated with happiness and positive emotions. Being funny increase people's tendency to connect with you and talk to you. I like expensive things because I learn the act of taking care from them. Socrates. A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist. 7. Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you react to it. As you can see, laughter is already a powerful tool on its own. 86. Snowballs. 216. Loving yourself and believing in yourself is the first step in making these funny positive affirmations work for you. 250. Happy Birthday.". Laughter can help you see the humor in otherwise grim situations. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesnt contain any calories. Emphasis on the cool. Stuart Turner, 247. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. They shape our present and have an impact on our future. How do trees access the internet? 74. 62. What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? 225. I can have peace, even when people irritate me. Remember: Dont Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. Following my intuition and my heart keeps me safe and sound. "Life is like an elevator - Sometimes it stops. I will tell the negative voice inside my head to shut up. I see food, and I eat it. Because it was soda pressing. 5.