You must be over 18 years old to visit this site. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it. What do you do after a round of 18 on a hot sunny day? It was glorious when you did! You get bad breaks from good shots, good breaks from bad shots but you have to play where it lies. Bobby Jones, 23. After a particularly poor round, a golfer spotted a lake as he walked despondently up the 18th. I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyones game: its called an eraser. Arnold Palmer, the King of golf and comedy apparently. Two couples were enjoying a competitive, best-ball match wives against husbands with the losers buying lunch and a libation. Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. Jack Lemmon, There are many things you can successfully fake in businessbut a good golf swing isnt one of them. He said. Billy Graham, Show me a man who is a good loser and Ill show you a man who is playing golf with his boss. J.R. Rim, Till saints and angels hymn forevermore / The miracle of your astounding score / And He who keeps all players in His sight / Walking the royal and ancient hills of light / Standing benignant at the eighteenth hole / To everlasting Golf consigns your soul. These words carry the feeling for those you care about and those who care about you. Bobby Jones, Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today its open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. What do you getll a blonde at the driving range? Your email address will not be published. P-U-T-T means merely a futile attempt to do the same thing.. See more ideas about golf quotes funny, golf, golf quotes. It can be rewarding. Or under. If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, Its golf balls., The blond looked at him compassionately and said: Oh you poor thing. A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf My caddy says I should use a hard 7. but I can show you what is! "Golf is the perfect thing to do on a Sunday because you spend more time praying on the course than if you went to church." brockoli117 on Reddit.com. Enjoy! They have been there where we are standing now. 8. 20 Funny Golf Sayings and Inspirational Golf Quotes "Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at.". A two-foot putt to win a bet or a tournament or a Masters is another thing entirely. I was actually enjoying it. Its possible, by too much of it, to destroy the mind. Dont even putt. Dirty Golfing Quotes Joke, Sick Golfing Quotes Jokes, Funny Golfing Mini Golf Captions. Is the word spelled P-U-T or P-U-T-T? She asked her instructor. Basketball is a sport for black men. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions. You are signed up for our newsletter! Fore! They have a hard drive. James Murray, Enjoyment of golf, regardless of the level you play at, is primarily based on how closely you play to your level of ability. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan, 56. Jim Bishop, I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. Dirt your body. I am a Musician. Are you looking for some funny jokes? One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. Roarin' Mcllroy Putter Around. 2. Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be? Twelfth son of the Lama. What did the duck say to the golf ball? You must remember not to remember to think. Obviously I'm a man that loves Gatorade and I'd definitely like to raid your gato. Because he walked into the wrong club! The reason most politicians are golfers is that they lie better with more practice & experience. Keep your sense of humor. Your email address will not be published. Grip the club as if you were holding a baby bird. Sam Snead, 58. The means are as important as the ends. I bet that hurts a whole lot worse than tennis elbow?. Golf puts a mans character on the anvil and his richest qualitiespatience, poise, restraintto the flame. Billy Casper, 16. 2023, 35 BEST Lionel Leo Messi Quotes (About Life, Work, and Football That Will Inspire You), 53 Cristiano Ronaldo Motivational Quotes (About Football, Hard Work, Life, and Family), Best Summer Captions and Quotes (for Family and Friends), 54 Helpful Business Quotes for Growth and Success. What do you call a blonde at a golf course? Thats how long a Scotsman takes to finish a bottle of Scotch! Another Ball in the Trees. Their fore-fathers! Because they might get a slice. 6. Many of these expressions of life, result in taking the form of wishes, quotes, greetings, messages, and captions. My windows aren't dirty, that's just my dog's nose art! If you break 80, watch your business.". In case he gets a hole in one. Golf is a lot like life. Spread your legs shoulder width, that's the first step to a successful golf swing. Golf is a game where the ball lies like crap, but the player lies like a pro. Tahiti hole in one, you need to hit the golf ball straight. Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." If we . Because subtraction speaks louder than words. The cat crawls out at night to smoke them and we are trying to get him to quit. P.G. Wodehouse, Golf is Not a great sport. Golf is such an individual game, and no two people swing alike. Kathy Whitworth, 14. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. I just got a call my wife has had a life threatening car accident and Im worried I might not make it.. I collected hilarious jokes about golfing; some are very clean and others are like an old golf ball: pretty used and dirty. Beyond this, the comedian and violinist (an epic combination) made the above joke about golf. 75 Hilarious Golf Puns and One-Liners That Don't Suck I chipped in from the rough! the flag cant jump. It means, in so many words, that if you can golf when the wind is blowing youre a man; if not, youre still a boy. P-U-T means to place a thing where you want it. Does a bear crap in the woods? Nuts! The lowest score wins. Steve Bann, Theres a reason why golfers walk forward to their next shot. / It is a gait he only knows / When he has on his golfing clothes. If a man comes home with sand in his cuffs and cockleburs in his pants, don't ask him what he shot. For you only, all the funny golf quotes images have been created that you are going to explore now. And now it will be poisoned for you. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. "The most important shot in golf is the next one." - Ben Hogan "I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators." - Gerald R. Ford "The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie." - Mickey Mantle "To find a man's true character, play golf with him." - P.G. Quotes tagged as "golf" Showing 1-30 of 130. In case he gets a hole in one. "The value of routine; trusting your swing." - Lorii Myers. ~ George Bernard Shaw. Funny Jokes - Dirty Golf Sayings Where do ghosts play golf in the afterlife? Damn, my shaft's all bent. Days when you just dont have it, you dont pack it in, you give it everything youve got. So, I'm on the first tee with him. Tahiti. Full Text: Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be? A shot that goes in the cup is pure luck, but a shot to within two feet of the flag is skill. Ben Hogan, 5. I wanna take out your golf clubs and score a HOLE in 1. All of them. He was perfecting his swing. Jeff Foxworthy, In order to develop a golf swing, your thoughts must run in the right direction. Big pupils lead to big scores. Boo. The friend is quite amazed: That dog is really talented! Your competitors are not allowed to hinder you, as they are in other sports. 56 Golf Pick Up Lines Many golfing terms sound naughty. No other game combines the wonder of nature with the discipline of sport in such carefully planned ways. Do you know why the game is called golf? Spice things up with these dirty golf jokes. Peter Jacobson, 33. if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); Brent Musberger, If you break 100, watch your golf. Palmer, how do you make a 3 iron back up like that?, Mr. Palmer replied, Do you own a 3 iron?. How many does he do?, Man: Well, that depends on how hard I kick him in the ass.. What is the similarity between four-putting and masturbation? The threesome were curious what was going on. Whether you are watching or playing golf, everyone loves a good golf joke thats why weve rounded up these Funny Golfer Jokes that you and your friends can laugh about! Without trust, it feels like you and your golf club are on opposite sides of a tug-of-war. Dr. Joseph Parent, 9. Your fifth putt. One minute youre bleeding. 45 Dirty Jokes To Make You Laugh - PsyCat Games Success depends less on strength of body than upon strength of mind and character. Arnold Palmer, 52. How do you know a golfer is cheating on his wife? To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Hold your 2-iron in the air, because not even God can hit a 2-iron. Why dont grasshoppers play golf? ), 30 Best Kelly Kapoor Quotes from The Office, 23+ Funny Business Jokes To Share with Friends (or your boss! The worst day of mini golf beats the best day of work. Why are computers such naturally good golfers? putt." You dont know what pressure is until you play for five bucks with only two bucks in your pocket. Lee Trevino at his best. Just 130+ Golf Jokes So Funny They're A Hole In One - Scary Mommy I stepped on a rake. One fine day, John and Don are out golfing when John slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. Are you a Nike One Platinum ball because I'd like to see you on a T? Well, I bet that these Knock Knock Golf Jokes can knock you up in the ground laughing! "Your game is so bad you had to have your ball retriever re-gripped!" Babe Ruth once said, "It took me 17 years to get three thousand hits in baseball.